


Legs and Lungs

by corrivate



Category: Gravity Falls, ParaNorman (2012)
Genre: Alternate Universe - The Little Mermaid, M/M, Parapines
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-07-17
Updated: 2014-07-17
Packaged: 2018-02-09 05:58:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 5
Words: 6,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1971546
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corrivate/pseuds/corrivate
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A disgruntled prince meets an interesting companion down on the beach one day.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Fateful Encounter

**Author's Note:**

> dipper & norman are both around sixteen..the former being a bit older. it takes place in 19th century denmark.
> 
> also, all chapters but five and up aren't really written by me! creds go to gooieduck1224 on fanfiction.net. i re-uploaded the author's fic here and plan on completely finishing it bc they abandoned it and the prompt/AU was so good. but yeah, enjoy!!

 

Norman kicked his boots into the sand as roughly as he could. Maybe they'd scuff if he kept it up. Although ruining his princely boots would not be a very effective retaliation against his father. His gaze swept over the tumbling waves as he walked down the rocky beach beneath the royal castle. He knew somewhere up there, his father and mother were probably holding some important meeting with important diplomats who had come offering princesses hands, smoothing their ruffled feathers after his rude, abrupt exit. It seemed they didn't understand there was only so much stupidity he could handle in one day. "I'm sure they are lovely girls" he thought, "But it would be a lot easier to make some INFORMED decision if I actually KNEW, hell, MET them."

He picked up a rock and aimlessly tried to skip it across the surging waves. "Of course, I should never imagine father would trust me with such a monumental decision as picking my own bride. I mean, look at how well HIS father picked out a girl for him." He smiled wryly. Father and mother loved each other, he could tell that at least, but nevertheless, they usually got on together like cats and dogs. He dropped a second rock at his feet, and sat thumped down beside it with a sigh.

Why couldn't they concentrate on getting Courtney married first? She loved drooling over pictures of foreign princesses, even enjoyed listening to the exaggerated blabber of the diplomats about their royal's heroic deeds. But no, Norman was the prince, and the prince needs to find a nice girl and have a nice marriage and have nice baby princes so the kingdom stays forever in the family name. "Let's face it," he thought glumly, "I'm going to be saddled with whoever is chosen for me, and never find any re-"

"TRITON’S TRIDENT!"

Norman jumped, whipping his head around towards the craggy rocks behind him. There was silence for a few seconds, then loud shuffling followed by muttered curses. He slowly drew his dagger, folding up into a crouch and quietly sneaking towards the noises, thanking his father inwardly for the stealth and battle training his father had considered essential. ("Sandra, for God's sake, he needs to learn some man activities, all these lute and etiquette lessons are going to make him soft in the head!"). As he finally sidled up to the rock behind which the sounds were emanating, he stopped to take a few breaths, gulping silently at what sounded like a huge snake slipping against the bare rock. His grip on the dagger tightened, and he squared his shoulders bravely before peeking around the edge.

It was a mermaid.

He jerked his head back, blinking a few times and shaking himself before looking back again.

Yup, still a mermaid. Well, merman.

He'd never thought they were real. Just another interesting fantasy creature to be found in the many fairytale books he devoured in the library. Yet here he was, staring one straight in the face.

Well, back.

He could tell by the shape that it was definitely a boy, at least from the waist up. Everything below was a long, orange tail, which elegantly narrowed before fanning wide into a huge scoop at the bottom. His whole body was wet, except his hair, which poofed out in large curls, and repelled water in a way very reminiscent of a duck. The merman had flopped his way into a small tidal pool, and was busy splashing himself with the water, before his roaming eyes caught onto Norman's.

They both froze, and Norman wondered briefly if mer-people were friendly or dangerous (his books had described both) before the boy broke into a large grin.

"Hey! Where'd you come from?"

Struck dumb, Norman simply pointed up. The merman craned his head back to see the castle on the cliff above them. "Oh! You're a land-dweller then?" he beckoned excitedly. "Can I see your feet?!"

Norman cautiously came around the rock, kicking off his boots and wiggling his toes for the amazed merman.

"That. Is so. Cool."

"You're pretty amazing yourself." Norman replied weakly, looking towards the swishing tail between them. "Um…I don't mean to be rude, but, why are you here? On shore?"

"Me? Oh, well…" The boy looked rather embarrassed, twisting his fingers together in front of him. "My sister said that any true adventurer can go right up by the shore and collect barnacles from the rocks, so I came to get some and surprise her, by being so cool, but I got distracted looking up at your town, and the tide went out, so I got stuck behind these rocks, and couldn't get out." He looked worriedly up at the sky. "I was going to wait until the next tide came in, but I'm running out of pools to keep myself wet."

"Oh…" Norman glanced out towards the bay. The tide definitely wouldn't be coming in anytime soon. "Do you, uhh…need to stay wet?"

"Yeah, I can't breathe very well without water." He lifted his arm from his side, and Norman could see some gills opening and closing underneath the shallow water. "I have some in my neck too." The boy tilted his head slightly and smaller gills opened up there. "But they aren't as important."

"I see. If you need, I could probably give you a hand into the water. I mean, carry you there, and stuff." Norman rubber his neck awkwardly, glancing towards the merman.

"Really?" The hope and relief in the boy's gaze made Norman blush slightly. "Thank you, very much!"

Norman nodded, then hurriedly tugged his boots back on as the merman slipped out of the pool. He bent his arms under him and lifted, grunting a little. The boy's upper body was pretty light, but the tail was far heavier, draping out over his left arm.

Norman picked his way over the rocks carefully, concentrated as best as he could on not slipping and falling. It was difficult, considering the merman in his arms was staring quite deeply at his face as they slowly made their way towards the shore.

As Norman took a short break at the top of one rise, he finally met the guys eyes. They stared at each other for a few seconds, before the merman broke into a large grin.

"What?"

"Golly," The merman wrapped his arms around Norman's neck gently. "You're so handsome!"

"I-I am?" Norman felt a blush rise up on his cheeks at receiving such praise. "No one has ever called me that before."

"Well it's true!"

Norman swallowed, nodding awkwardly as he began walking again. "Thanks."

They soon reached the shoreline, and Norman laid the boy down as gently as he could next to the lapping waves. "Um…what's your name?" Norman blurted out suddenly.

The merman looked up at him, a softer smile gracing his features. "My name is Dipper." He pointed upwards. "Like the star one. And how about you?"

"Um, Norman. Nice to, uhh…meet you."

Dipper laughed loudly, and shook Norman's hand. "Indeed" he said, trying to sound formal, but failing miserably, as they both lapsed into chuckles. "Hey, come down by the beach more often. I would really like to talk with you more. It's nice to get away from my sister once and awhile."

"You're telling me." Norman waved slightly as he backed away a bit. "I'll come whenever I can, when the tide is down, like now."

Dipper nodded and waved back, then with a flip of his tail and a splash disappeared from sight. Norman stood for a few seconds, and saw a head pop out of the water offshore. They waved to each other again, then Dipper disappeared once more. As Norman walked back towards the castle, he felt better than he had in ages, and was certain that things would only get better as time went on.


	2. Dippy's Little Secret

Dipper sighed in relief as cool seawater rushed through and past his gills. Close calls were exciting, but nonetheless that was a little too dangerous to be toyed with. He weaved through coral and seaweed, descending rapidly to the city his people lived in, hidden practically from sight by the enormous jutting of the reefs above. A couple citizens called his name and waved as he swam to his balcony, and he waved back.

A bio fluorescent octopus glided gently to his hand as he came through the open window into his room. He scratched its tentacles distractedly, and then reached with his free hand under his bed to draw out his crown. The Crown Regent (Or Grunkle, as he was known behind tail fins) would not be happy if he came to dinner without his proper headgear. Nodding to himself in the mirror, Dipper weaved his way down the gloomy corridors to the dining hall. The glowing of the octopi clinging to the ceiling and the jellyfish wafting around gave the room a soft, sleepy look to it, as evidenced by his sister, sprawled out by her plate, snoring (and drooling, but that for obvious reasons wasn't noticeable). Gruncle however sat straight and rigid in his seat, staring steadfastly at the clock until his gaze snapped towards Dipper's entry.

"Glad you could make it. I'd say dinner was cold, but it wasn't hot to begin with!" His raucous laughter woke Princess Mabel up with a start, and she started laughing along as a reflex.

Dipper almost couldn't stop from rolling his eyes. Human puns, fantastic, what a great start. His great-uncle loved human curios, and considered himself the greatest discoverer of human oddities. In particular, he loved showing these off to other mer-kings, usually to show his power and receive better homage, but hey, it worked, so who could blame him when the kingdom was prosperous and peaceful?

Dipper sat down across from his sister, who grinned and began shovelling her seaweed into her mouth. Dipper dragged a bowl of wrapped krill closer and began popping them into his mouth as well. "You didn' hae to waih up." He said through his mouthful.

"Really?" Gruncle speared his mollusks carefully and chewed, gills fanning slowly. "We seem to do a lot of 'holding up'. And what was the situation this time? Catfish? Dogfish? Or maybe even turtle racing again. It isn't polite for the prince to keep people waiting."

Dipper shifted in his seat, trying to think of good excuse, but Mabel beat him to his cover-up.

"Did you get any?" Mabel chirped excitedly from her seat.

"Any what?" The king looked suspiciously at Dipper.

"Nothing! Shut. Up." He hissed the last two words at his sister, who only smiled broadly back before turning triumphantly to the king.

"The High Prince was trying to prove his mettle by foraging barnacles from the human shores."

"What a daring notion." Gruncle stared at Dipper disapprovingly. "Do you need to be reminded of the dangers of the human shore?"

"No, sir." Dipper intoned. "Humans are dangerous and should not be toyed with; they distrust our kind and seek to destroy any they see. No mermaid should ever be privy to humans or human information. "Except you. You can say and do whatever you want." Dipper thought sarcastically.

"Exactly. A scourge upon us…. But did you see any humans?" Gruncle looked hopeful behind his kingly professionalism.

"…No. and I didn't see any barnacles either." Dipper looked back at his food, ignoring his sister's disappointed whining and Uncle's penetrating stare, trying to look unguilty. If Mabel had not mentioned humans, he doubted the king would have listened to any f what he said regardless. It wasn't like he'd been expecting any fanfare for what he did, but it would have been a little gratifying to see Gruncle impressed, even just amazed. But then, with all the mer-people bored, nothing short of the sea drying up would amaze anyone. He'd known since he was old enough to wriggle that boredom was a merman's worst enemy, and let's face it; peace was safe, but not very stimulating. His parents had decided to crusade the oceans simply because palace life had begun to tire them. Mabel would probably leave someday, although her attention span was so short boredom rarely ever encountered her.

As for him, he had been planning on going for a quest before. Before he'd met that human. Now the idea of leaving such an interesting friend disturbed him, especially the image of him waiting up on the beach, alone. So until he tired, this strange new being would entertain him. And he wouldn't tell Gruncle or Mabel. They would either tag along and annoy him, or keep him from going altogether, and neither of those options suited him well. So after supper, as he floated between his floor and bed, the quiet feeling of his pleasant secret helped him go to sleep, dreaming of toes and knees and dry arms around him.


	3. Dilemma

The rain fell steadily. As steadily as it had been falling for the past two weeks. Norman scrunched his face up against the thick glass of the study window and breathed another large sigh, which once again, his mother ignored. The queen had been quite pleased with the continuous downpour, because it gave her ample time to continue Norman's intellectual studies. King Perry had tried to continue his sparring and jousting lessons, but after "losing Norman in the damn mud again" (He had actually hidden in the stables for an hour or two) he'd grudgingly discontinued the practises so the Queen could continue his indoor lessons.

Norman glanced over to where his mother was teaching cross-stitching to a very uninterested Courtney, then turned back to staring at the rocky shore below him. He was supposed to be studying the history of taxation for the peasants, which was the most boring and depressing of his subjects, but instead found him mind turning again and again to the merman he met on the beach. He hadn't seen Dipper in a while, and that depressed him even more. It had already been hard arranging times to see the sea-dweller, and now the rain had made it completely impossible.

The many times they had met up during the summer had been fantastic. He'd pick his way down to the waves, bringing some random trinket from the palace which would invariably fascinate and interest Dipper, like a book or a horseshoe, and even a corset from his sisters room once (and never again). And likewise, Dipper would bring some marvelous item up from the depths of the sea, like glowing fish or gems from sunken ships. They'd explain what they had and what it was for. Sometimes Norman would read to Dipper, or they'd race down the beach on land and in the water. Then they would talk, about whatever came to mind, family or fears or even random ideas for adventures. It always felt like spending time with him made the long hours at home bearable, the long talks about marriage and trade agreements easier. Without his companionship, Norman was sure he could feel himself slowly going insane.

"Norman! Have you heard a single word I've said?"

Norman whipped his head back around to see his mother staring tiredly at him, and Courtney sniggering into her hand behind her.

"Uh, no, my apologies mother. Could you please repeat what you said to me?"

The queen sighed. "I was inquiring as to whether you had reached the Peasant Rebellions of the Godfrey Age yet."

"No mother, I'm afraid my mind was elsewhere."

"Probably in fairyland, like it normally is. Swimming with the fishies again, Norman?" Courtney jeered at him, brushing her hair over her shoulder. Norman had been caught drawing pictures of mer-people in a notebook during a different lesson, and now she took every opportunity to mock him mercilessly for it. "Maybe he's waiting for a girl to court to leap out of the water with some dolphins."

"Now, Courtney." Their mother frowned gently down at her, pushing her needle-work towards her again, then approached Norman, ignoring the exaggerated groaning behind her. She brushed her hand gently through his hair, which Norman managed not to cringe away from, used to her over-affection by now. "Oh, dear, you've dirtied the window as well. I'll have to call a servant to take care of that. Are you feeling well dear? I'm afraid you aren't being attentive enough. Perhaps we've done enough studying for today?"

Norman looked up at his mother with wide, hopeful eyes, and she smiled knowingly down at him. "Yes alright, you may go. But you'll have to study extra hard to catch up tomorrow." She wagged her finger unconvincingly at him as he bounded up and out the door. The last thing he heard was Courtney's annoyed whine because she had to stay behind, and he smiled as he closed the door behind him.

The halls were chilly and empty as he walked down towards the stables. None of the servants would be out and busy till it was nearer to dinner, and the tapestries and torches did little to warm the stone rooms. The stables were busier though, with footmen and grooms running around. Norman wondered at the commotion, as he came towards his own horse, petting its nose distractedly. Suddenly, out of the hubbub, a girl in a drenched travel cloak leading a white pony emerged and walked towards the open stall across from him. She was small, with long black hair and wide curious eyes peeking out from under her hood as she dressed down her horse.

"Heloooo, do you work here?" Her voice was small and soft as she stared over at him.

"No, I'm not a servant. I live here. As the prince." He winced internally at how stupid he sounded. "What are you doing here? I didn't hear of any visitors coming to the palace."

"Oh, well, we were going to take a while longer, and stop at places, but the rain got so bad we had to come straight here." She mumbled distractedly. "I've come from, uh, the Prenderghast palace."

"Oh, the Prenderghasts?" This was interesting. "We're related to the Prenderghasts, somehow, I think. Like distant cousins or something. We haven't heard anything from them for a while though."

"Well, I think King Percival has been communicating with his Lordship for a while now."

Norman grinned. He loved hearing his father's full name, cracked him right up. "I see. So what is this, like a family reunion? Some festival? I didn't think there were any holidays coming up."

Now the girl looked distinctly uncomfortable. "N-no, um, I think we're here for, um, well….me. Its, um, I'm here to…"

"You?" Norman felt very confused, but before he could say anything, a page and some grooms burst in and raced over.

"Forgive us, Lady Prenderghast! You should have alerted us that your horse needed tending!"

What? Lady? As Norman watched the men rush into the stall, the girl suddenly seemed to grow very large in his eyes. Her head was down, and her words were muttered, but her voice still seemed to cut through the noise with ease.

"I believe, good sir, that I am here to… to marry you."


	4. Bad News

The sea was calm as Dipper swam towards the familiar beach. Calmer than him, at any rate. He hadn't seen Norman in forever, but the day before he had found a message from him, written on the flimsy material humans called paper and stuffed inside what he knew now as a glass wine flask. Norman had brought it down to the beach, and they had half buried it in a small shoal of rocks and sand in order to pass each other messages when they couldn't meet face to face. Norman's message had told him that he had missed his company during the rain, that no, most dogs did not grow large enough to be ridden, , and that he had something he wanted to talk about when they met, tomorrow night if possible.

Dipper's heart leapt when he saw Norman waiting idly on the shore ahead, so he did a few jumps like a dolphin to speed up on his way to the shore. He grinned back at Norman's smile as he crawled his way up the shore a little.

"How's it going Dipper? Sorry I couldn't make it here very often. My parents think I can't survive rain."

"Well, you humans do lack natural resistance to the cold and wet conditions, so I forgive you." Dipper broke down into giggles at his own attempt at serious talk.

Norman laughed too, and then looked sadly up at his castle. "It was pretty boring and lonely up there, without being able to talk to you."

Dipper slipped his hand into Norman's comfortingly, and squeezed. "Well I'm here now, so what did you want to talk about?"

Norman looked down at their joined hands, squeezing a little himself as he searched for words to say. "Do – Does – how does the throne in your kingdom get passed down?"

Dipper scrunched his nose a little. "I think it used to go to the strongest of the sea-people, in battle or whatever, but it's been passed down through our family for a while now."

Norman nodded awkwardly waving his free hand. "And um… how did your parents…I mean…"

"How'd they get the throne?" Dipper asked, and Norman nodded quickly. "Well, my grandpa got too old, and died fighting the tiger sharks during season, so my dad trounced his brothers and fought the neighbouring king for his daughter, then they got married and went off to battle whatever random stuff they wanted, so Gru- uhh, my father's uncle, Regent King Stannis, took their place to make sure nobody tried to steal our throne."

Norman sat staring at Dipper, speechless. "…Mermaids are much more violent than I thought."

"Not so much violent as…terrifically bored. All the time. If we can't do something mindlessly entertaining, we go crazy, cause we live too long." Dipper rolled onto his back and smiled up at Norman. "If it wasn't for you, I'd have left to fight sharks and giant squid by now too."

"Well, I'm, um, glad I stopped you, I guess. So your father chose his wife?"

"Yeah, of course. What, how do you land-dwellers do it?"

Norman scowled. "Up here our parents choose who they think will be the best partner for their kids, mostly based on how rich the other people will make them, or how much they don't want them to come and besiege the castle. That's how my parents met."

"Gee, that sucks! How the bejeezus do they expect you to find love and romance then?!"

Norman and Dipper both looked in horror at Mabel, chewing on a strip of seaweed and grinning at them from her prone position in the waves.

"Who are y-"

"How'd YOU get here?!"

"Please Dipper." Mabel wriggled closer. "It was so obvious you were leaving to do something fun, I just couldn't resist following you. And this is great! A human! Sooo crazy."

Dipper shot out of the shallows and tackled his sister back into the deeper water.

"Why are you here? If Grunkle Stan-"

Relaaaaaax, he's entertaining dignitaries, getting them all ooh-y and aww-y over his land stuff. Why didn't you tell me you've got your own land stuff?"

"He isn't 'land stuff'." Dipper hissed.

"'Kay, yeah, but do you know how much fun I need? I braided all the seaweed in the garden, that's how bad it is. I'm always bored. " Mabel's voice got whinier, and her eyes got shinier too. "I won't tell Grunkle, I promise, just let me have fun with youuuuu guuuyyss."

Dipper gritted his teeth in complete exasperation. Norman was his friend; he didn't want to share him out with his brat of a sister. But he knew she'd rat him out to Grunkle if she didn't get her way.

"Fine, but if you tell Grunkle ANYTHING, it's all over."

"Yeah, yeah, just introduce me to boyfriend now."

"Wha- hey, he isn't-"

But Mabel was already crawling her way back onto shore, towards a rather bewildered looking Norman. Dipper sighed as he breached up beside her.

"Norman, this is Mabel. She's my sister."

"She…looks a lot like you."

That's because we're twins."

"I'm also the most lovely mermaid in the ocean." She wriggled her eyebrows coquettishly, swirling her purple tail behind her in what the maids of their castle called "Alluring patterns". For his part, Norman just looked confused, which made Dipper pleased.

An hour or so later, Dipper was contemplating whether he should have just tied her up in the nearest seaweed bed and saved himself, and Norman, the trouble of listening to her talk. He could've dealt with the consequences later. Maybe with murder.

"So if we have tails, and you have legs, d'you think there might be wing people somewhere? That'd be great, maybe they'd live in the clouds and help it rain and snow and do you get ice on land? Ice on the ocean is scary, because you can get crushed or frozen, have you ever seen something frozen in ice? It's scary. But it's usually warm enough here not to get any. But if ice did get here, you could float out and we could all play out in the deep water! But you can't breathe underwater right? So we'd have to find a way to – "

Dipper punched Mabel in the arm, and she yelped. "At least give him some time to answer your questions before you continue running at the mouth."

Norman grinned. "It's okay, I'm just, um, happy to meet up with you guys, and not be stuck up in the castle."

"Oh yeahhhhh, why were you asking about our parents? And talking about your parents?" Mabel asked. "That's pretty boring stuff to me."

Suddenly Norman looked uncomfortable again, and twisted his hands in his lap. "Well, um, y'know, there's uh, things they expect of me in our castle, and I was wondering if it was different…for you guys."

"Expect?" Dipper looked at Norman searchingly, worried about his friend's discomfort, now ad from earlier. "What do they – "

"C'mon, it's obvious!" Mabel crowed as she bounced in the water. "They're expecting him to get marrieeeeeeed!"

Dipper was stunned, turning slowly to see Norman's conflicted gaze darting here and there. "What? Since when?"

"Um…during the rain, a party of people from another kingdom came to our castle, including…my…fiancé. My father has been organizing – "

"Normaaaaan!" A stranger's voice drifted over the beach and Norman leaped up suddenly.

"Her! She can't see – "

"Norman, wait!" Dipper pleaded as Norman began edging away. "When can we – "

"I don't know. But I have to go, she can't see you, or start coming over here."

"Okay, but…come back in three days, if you can. I'll leave a message if you can't make it then."

"Alright…bye!"

Norman raced off across the beach, and Dipper watched him climb over the jagged rock shoals and out of site. When he turned to leave, Mabel was grinning at him knowingly.

"Shut up. I know what you're going to say, and I don't need to hear it, so shut up."

"Me? I wasn't saying anything. Not a peep from me. In fact, I have no idea what you're talking about." Mabel kicked out into the waves lazily on her back. "Although I am wondering how you're feeling about this whole situation."

Dipper swam past her, ignoring the grins and questions she threw at him as they made their way back to the palace. He needed to sort out his own mind on this matter, without her meddling. But one thing was for sure. The thought of Norman, married to some faceless human, bothered him. A lot. And he was going to find a way to fix this.


	5. Strange Magic

  
Auburn eyes lazily gazed at a submerged ceiling. It had been exactly 6 days and 18 hours since Dipper had visited his friend. Every night since had been sleepless, the curly-haired boy too focused on trying to end the wedding. That wouldn’t work too well though, because 1. he didn’t have a plan; 2. he didn’t have legs; and 3. he didn’t have lungs. These were the primary obstacles, although there were countless additional ones.. Urrgh. Sound waves of a desperate, hopeless mumble echoed throughout the inundated castle in which the Pines mertwins resided in. They finally reached Mabel, chocolate-colored strands of hair dancing around her as she swam to the source of the noise.

“Dippy, what’s the matter?” Mabel cautiously wriggled towards her brother whose head was buried in his pillows out of frustration.

“This is the problem.” Dipper impassively muttered, floating out of his damp bed to his sibling as pale fingers gestured to gills and a certain orange, scaly monstrosity below his torso.

“Well. One of them, at least,” a dry chuckle escaped his mouth before he continued speaking. “Norman’s getting married to some random chick he’s never met before, and there’s nothing I can do to stop it. He obviously isn’t in love with her, so why is a marriage being shoved down his throat?” Dipper’s eyes focused on the floor as he spoke.

“I wish I knew, Dipper. People are weird.” Mabel added quietly as her right hand stroked Dipper’s shoulder. There was also something else she wanted to say, something that had been on the tip of her tongue.. The sea princess’s mind wandered back to memories of a certain creep who sent her flowers on every holiday. They were known for their sorcery. Maybe they could help Dipper? What was their name.. Gertrude? Gursula? Giddy..   
  
“Gideon!” She squealed, momentarily interrupting Dipper’s sulking and earning herself a concerned glare. Mabel rolled her eyes before explaining herself. “I know someone who could give you legs! That’s what you want, right?”   
  
Dipper’s hazel eyes widened and head nodded without a second thought at the mere mention of legs. As she explained who the sorcerer was, and where he could find them, he listened intently.

To put it nicely, there was no way in heck Dipper was going to let this marriage happen. Norman deserved someone equally as special as him. ‘Aggie,’ as Norman called her wasn’t worthy. She wouldn’t appreciate the grin that slowly spreads across his face whenever you compliment him, the way his fingers absentmindedly and cutely tug at his white button-up whenever he’s lost in his own thoughts, or his loyal, selfless personality. Norman could have stabbed Dipper, or left him there to suffocate. Instead, he carried him and made sure to come back every once and a while so they could talk to each other. The spiky-haired boy had rescued him; both from the lack of water and from the mundane life he was living. How could Dipper let a random girl throw all of that away?

The sarcasm in Mabel’s voice shook the boy out of his pleasant thoughts, his sister’s famous brace-faced grin meeting him. “Is my Dippy thinking about his prince again?” 

Dipper giggled self-consciously as various shades of scarlet enveloped his cheeks. The thought of the human prince clad in nothing but a white button-up and skimpy shorts felt more like home than the mundane, wet manor he lived in ever did. Dipper wanted to feel sand between his toes and air in his lungs without dying. That orange thing he had instead of feet was not just a tail. It was a shackle and a constant reminder that he couldn’t be a normal human boy and do normal human things with the normal human boy he loved. And that, was why he was prepared to set tail into an unknown territory in the middle of the night.  
  
“Tell Gruncle Stan I’m over at a friend’s place!” Dipper urgently shouted at his twin from the exit of the house, who countered his demand back with a “But you don’t have any!” They chuckled at the veracity of that statement before parting ways, Dipper’s laugh slightly more solemn than Mabel’s.

The boy’s dry curly hair began to lose its magical effect, dampening a bit as his orange tail swished and swooshed through the abundance of water around him. Dipper had been swimming for what felt like ages before he finally came across Gideon’s lair. The skeleton of a gargantuan sea creature lay in front of him, violet lights emanating from every open crevice. It felt as though something evil died there for whatever reason and a being capable of more evil lived inside of it. Chills spread across the male mertwin’s body and as he skeptically inched closer to the entrance, it felt less and less like the remains of a random creature and more like a colossal den.

“Hello?” Dipper croaked, his nervous voice barely echoing past the entryway of the skeletal grotto. The boy was about to repeat himself when the most bizarre looking thing greeted him. It had white hair that looked like it had been delicately combed back for hours, the upper body of a human, the lower body of an octopus, a pig nose, beady eyes and a hideous sky-blue ensemble. It was the least intimidating thing (person?) Dipper had seen, and when the creature approached him, he bit his tongue so he wouldn’t burst into laughter. How could anyone be afraid of this? 

“Li’l Gideon at your service,” The stranger put a stray hair back in place before continuing. “psychic, sorcerer and mystic extraordinaire! What do you seek, Dipp..er Pines?”   
  
The fact that the chalky-haired foreigner knew his name was all that surprising, considering the amount of times they tried wooing his sister. Dipper decided that was going to use that to his advantage if he had to. “Your extraordinary mysticalness, I wanna be human. I want legs I can run with, and lungs that crave air as much as I crave them..” Dipper pleaded in the most sincere voice he could muster up, staring at Gideon with sea-puppy eyes.

“I see..” Two stubby hands crept up to Gideon’s temples, massaging them for a short while as their eyes closed. The extremities went down to their previous position as glowing azure eyes opened and the sorcerer’s pale face suddenly wore a stern expression. “ **I will grant you humanity for two days. But only if you are able to give me an offer equal in emotional or physical value.** ” They lazily regarded the merboy in anticipation of his response.

Dipper grinned from ear to ear. He had the sorcerer right in his hands, although he was positive Mabel would kill him for even entertaining the idea of them being near each other.  “You may have go on one date with my sister. She picks where, and you’ll pay for it.”   
  
Gideon’s eyes widened because they could not believe what they were hearing. The psychic had expected money, or something. Anything other than a date with the girl of their dreams. A teenage throat cleared loudly and interrupted thoughts which were going at a million miles per hour. “ **I accept your offer. However, for your humanity to become permanent, you must receive a true love’s kiss before your form reverts. The spell will take place in two days, giving you a total of four to plan everything out.** ” The white-haired sorcerer closed their eyes once more before scuttling to Dipper, shaking his hand, and handing him a business card with contact information for Mabel.   
  
Dipper went on his way afterwards, an ugly rectangular card stuffed in his pocket and his usual happiness restored. He did it! He made it through that awkward interaction with Gideon, and made it out alive! When the Pines boy broke the news to Mabel, she nearly strangled him out of second-hand joy with her hug, and then again out of anger with her favorite pink unicorn sweater. What an ironic death that would’ve been. Dipper (barely) made it alive out of the living room, too!   
  
That night he finally got some well-needed rest, dreaming about the legs he would finally chase Norman in the sand with, and the lungs he’d use to inhale the summer breeze. On second thought, however, the latter was a bit.. useless. _Why would Dipper need lungs if he was going to be breathless around the human prince either way?_

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I purposely left Gideon's gender ambiguous. They're fabulous and magical, that's all that matters!


End file.
